BY TARYN ST.LOUIS, JULY 09, 2020
Sex is super important to men, and there’s no denying it. However, a relationship filled with passionate, mind blowing orgasms can’t compare to a wholesome fulfilling partnership. Cleaning house, cooking his favorite meals and being generally attentive to his physical needs are attributes that most black women have always thought could get the job done, but this this is far from true.
We’ve spoken to our men, and they have a message for their potential mates. They need more.
Whether it’s holding his hand in public, stroking his beard at the most random moments or massaging his shoulders when he feels tense, small intimate acts often go overlooked by women and are not often communicated by men. However, these gestures can go a long way in touching his heart. Experiment with him and find out which tender acts of affection make him feel whole.
Do you understand your man? What are his fears? What are the greatest obstacles he faces in life? You would be surprised that most women can’t answer those questions on a whim. Knowing your mate requires honest dialogue and the best way to do this is to communicate well and do it often. Opening up to him first is the best way to get him to open himself to you.
In every relationship there will be hills and valleys. While there may be times that you feel angry toward your mate, never take the low road and utter words of disrespect. Disrespectful words and actions can do irreversible damage to relationships. Listen to him while he speaks. If you are in disagreement with his plans, respectfully suggest alternative courses of action. There are many instances where our men feel disrespected in relationships and one of the best kept secrets is that men often equate respect with LOVE.
Women can be especially chatty sometimes. Communication is important in relationships, however, be careful not to try and involve your man in a healthy debate when he is watching his favorite show on TV or when he just walks through the door. Knowing when to speak is just as important as knowing what to say.
Belief in his abilities
Men are providers and protectors by nature. Let him know that you believe in his talents and skills and trust that he can achieve greatness. Your encouragement will mean the most to him than anyone. Make him feel like an adult, and not a child who you constantly have to look out for. Having a sense of responsibility is more important to a man than most women realize.
When a woman tries to change a man, he feels hurt. We aren’t speaking about changes that affect his physical health or emotional well being, but forcing him to make superficial changes like the way he cuts his beard or a cutting out a favorite phrase he likes to use is a recipe for disaster. See his flaws and love him anyway. Learn to accept his flaws so it will be easier for him to accept yours.
Appreciation and Affirmation
Complimenting your man won’t be hard if you truly admire the man that he is. Utter words of affirmation to him, and let him know you appreciate his efforts. A man is shown appreciation will go above and beyond. This isn’t about ego, but it is an encouragement to know that your deeds do not go unnoticed. “You look good in that shirt today.” “Thank you for always being there when I need you.” If these things are hard to say, it may be time to re-evaluate your biases as a woman.
Everyone needs time for themselves at some point. Our men are no different. Spending time alone watching his favorite football game can work wonders for his mental. When he gets home from work, let him unwind until HE is ready to talk. Our men need time to re-energize, regroup and reconnect with themselves. Go out and spend some time with your girlfriends and let him breathe. Healthy relationships consist of 2 individuals with their own interests as well as common interests. It’s OK to not be together all the time.
Staying friends and also lovers goes a long way in keeping a happy, healthy relationship. Learn your mate, respond to his needs and communicate with him. Doing things together is an important factor in every companionship. Spend quiet time along together or plan weekend trips. Be the person he wants to talk to first when things go wrong. Men need to feel that you are and will remain in their corner.
Being honest with each other is of paramount importance in any healthy relationship. This is not only about trusting his fidelity, but also trusting his capabilities and his motives. Without the knowledge that his partner has placed her trust in him, a man immediately starts doubting himself. It takes time to build trust. Once you’ve made a commitment to your man, show him trust. If you feel that you are unable to trust him, seek counseling first, as opposed to spying, constantly questioning him or speaking about your suspicions with friends and family.